If you know me at all, you know that I have vowed to take 2020 and make it the best year yet! Has it been hard, most definitely! Have I shed tears, more than I would like to admit! But even still, 2020 has been the year of transformation for me, my family and my business. One of my 2020 goals was to get more education and to learn more about who I am, not only as a wife and mother, but as a business woman. Yes, I know I still need a lot of business help, I am learning- but what I needed the most (and to be completely honest with myself) from this year was personal growth!
I've been reading more about word curses over the past few weeks. Now don't start judging me after hearing those two words, hear me out! What is a word curse? Simply put a word curse is an offensive word or phrase used to express anger or annoyance.
Unfortunately many words or phrases spoken to us (especially as children) are not healthy words. Words have power! I wish so badly they didn't but they do! By simply opening our mouths, we have the ability to completely lift someone up or tear them down so badly that they may never feel worthy again. Hear me when I say:
YOU ARE WORTHY OF A GOOD LIFE, YOU ARE WORTHY OF GOOD RELATIONSHIPS, YOU ARE
WORTHY OF ABUNDANCE!
Let's get nerdy for a minute. Negative words do have an impact on our thinking and our reasoning. A single negative word can increase the activity in our amygdala (the fear center of the brain) which causes stress-producing hormones to flood our system. These hormones and neurotransmitters interrupt the logic and reasoning processes in the brain preventing normal functions. Words spoken to us like:
you're not good enough
stop crying, you are fine
why can't you be more like your sister or brother
here let me do this for you, you always mess it up
practice makes perfect
you need to be more outgoing, you are way to shy
These phrases are often handed to children and teens from family without a malicious intent! Do you know that you can hold on to words said to you without even realizing it? Truths given to us from family or close friends will have an impact on how we view ourselves and how we live our life as adults! Verbal Abused children often grow up to be self-critical and often times suffer from depression and anxiety. Words matter!
It hasn't been until I started this journey of personal growth and self-reflection did I realize that I was carrying around a lot of very hurtful and harmful words. The scary part, I considered them my truths! This year I started a mentorship with David Tutera because (as mentioned before) my 2020 goals included education. I wanted to learn so much more about being a business woman and running a successful Wedding Planning Business. I honestly had no idea that joining this mentorship I would have to start facing some of my darkest truths!
How I viewed myself was not okay!
I am going 100 percent vulnerable here! The way I speak to myself in my head and in private is not okay. I hold extreme standards for myself that I don't even know if they are realistic! I am my biggest critic-I'm never good enough. I have let fear take over my mind so much that I have talked myself out of friendships and business opportunities. I look at myself and see flaws- a lot of them! I feel less-than more often than I'd like to admit. Words that I've been told in my life from past relationships (both as a kid and as an adult) have impacted how I think of myself. The crazy part.... I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I WAS TALKING TO MYSELF LIKE THIS! During my mentorship time with David I have come to the realization that what we tell ourselves in the dark will eventually impact our everyday life!
I had to have a mindset change. I want to be clear on one thing because I'm sure most of you are thinking this: I do not suffer from depression or anxiety. I am generally a very upbeat person who loves to influence others. (PS...if you a person suffering from either of these, I urge you to get help! You are worthy to be set free of depression and anxious thoughts!) But over the course of my 43 years of life, I have held onto words that I should have never of allowed into my mind.
I recently got an opportunity to meet Anne Palmer, author of the Gifted Trap. She read an insert from her book and I was blown away. But she said something that I will never forget: "Where there is judgement, there is no joy" It led me down a road of heavy self-reflection! Because of the way I was secretly viewing myself and talking to myself, joy was absent, and judgement was present. I have been speaking horrible words to myself for years and it needed to stop because if I was going to live life of complete joy the self-judgement had to go!
How Do You View Yourself
How Do You Think Others View You
These two questions are questions that I am working on, which prompted this blog! I know I am not the only one that says things (to ourselves) we would NEVER say to another person. I started an "I am good enough" journal. Each morning I am taking the time, really forcing myself, (because I will be honest, it's not easy to break a cycle) to list out one thing about myself that I thank God for. How can I use that gift to bless others? My goal is that overtime my mindset changes. To change the way I view myself. To break off word curses that I have carried with me for way to long!
Is judgement hiding your joy?